Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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