well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
