a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
