I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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