He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
