After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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