ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
