Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
