Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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