Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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