wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
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At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
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We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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