Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
