you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
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Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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