i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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