He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
