I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
