Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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