I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
