My Higher Power is John Stamos
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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