Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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