i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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