dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
