this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
