I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
