just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize