I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
