It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
