Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
