yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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