respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
