mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
