Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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