I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
