i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
