this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
