You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
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