i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
