you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
vagina is talking i cant
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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