WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
