sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
