I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
wow bdsm is so cute
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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