she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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