remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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