The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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