his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So apparently I’m into choking now
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
