one might say we're banned from that church
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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