I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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