Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
