apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
