I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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