Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My ATM looks so different sober.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
