$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
