i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
