did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
