I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
