He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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