Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
