Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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