at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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