I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
