I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
