lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
