Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
