we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
