im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
