hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
