White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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