I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
