put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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