I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
