I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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