I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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