don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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