Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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