I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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