dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
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Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
whose parrot is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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