When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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